On February 1, 2001 I lfet for my solo ride from Portland, OR to Key West, FL. So far it is the ride of my life. One element I had not really thought much about until recently was the preparation to attempt such an adventure.

Since I had bought my first Harley I had been to Sturgis a few times so knew what it was like to spend time in the saddle but I always had a friend or 2 along. This time I was going solo and had some new internal challenges. Getting the bike ready to go was the easy part. Wrapping my head around it was another thing.

It is fear of the unknown that can make a person a bit crazy. Somebody asked if I had a gun? Now, I had owned hunting rifles but never a pistol. I'm not anti-gun but just never thought I needed one before. And then I started to imagine possible scenarios of people of questionable character wanting to harrass a lone biker from Oregon a long ways from home. So, I bought the pistol.

I did a bit of research, semiauto verses revolver. What caliber? The young guy at the gun store was very helpful. I bought a S&W 357 magnum, 5 shot revolver with a moderate barrel. The cool thing was that it was chambered to fire .38 Special which would save money on ammo at the firing range. It was something cool in stainless steel. It had mass. It was serious. It was deadly serious. I took it home and put it away.

Now I had to shoot it. There is an indoor gun range where one can go tho practise. It is the same one the local police use to practise and train. When you go there for the first time you have to watch a short video then take a test. Once throught that process someone sets you up on the range with a target, hearing protection and basic instruction in how to stand so the recoil of the pistol does not smack it back into your nose. Oh yeah, squeeze the trigger and aim for the trunk. Major organs. And remember never point the gun at someone unless you intend to use it.

I ended up putting a carton of 38 Special target loads through the gun. Shooting some one careful round after another and some as fast as I could squeeze the trigger. And I could not help but think about the fact that this was supposed to be a bad guy. When I had finished with the 38 Special rounds and went to check out the guy behind the counter asked if I had ever shot a pistol with .357 mag rounds and if not would I like to try. I hadn't and he gave me 5 target load rounds explaining that they still were not as hot as the  fully loaded antipersonnel rounds that he reccommended for real knock down power. And they were amazing in the report and recoil. I went home, cleaned my pistol and put it away and started thinking.

I started to think about how I was going to carry it and needing to get a concealed weapons permit. I had several states to cross and a permit in one state is not recognized in another. I barely had time to get a permit for Oregon let alone the 8 other states I was going to cross. Then I started to think about the why? Professionally I had been an RN, that's right a registered nurse. I had been a registered nurse working on a psych unit. I went into nursing to help people heal. That pistol was the antithesis of my work. And I recognized that it was fear that drove me to buy that gun and I really had to check in with myself to see if that fear was valid for me. Did I want to take on the responsabilty of packing that weapon and bear the possible consequences. I decided no.

I took the pistol back to where I bought it. The guy that had sold to me wasn't quite as enthusiastic, I wasn't any longer a brother in arms. I lost a few bucks on the deal but felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

A couple of weeks later I was off on my journey not knowing what or who I would find around the next corner and that was fine. I came in peace looking to see new places and make new friends unburdened of fear and stainless steel.